Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
