does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
