plz talk dirty to me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Say something about gay babies.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
