Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
