and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
