opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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