why didn't you poke me back
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
