The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
