Don't you send me to vm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
