I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
