If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
