Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
ok first of all what the fuck
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
