im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
