lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
