dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize