Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
