Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
