First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
