Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
love makes seman taste better
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
