I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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