erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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