Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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