i think my mom watched the whole time
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
