I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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