Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
