Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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