just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
