I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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