Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Actions speak louder than pants.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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