Just fell off a train. Bad.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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