wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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