So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
