apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
