just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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