This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
