I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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