conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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