I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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