Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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