i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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