epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize