Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i out mim tonsoeep
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