You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
