i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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