Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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