Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
