Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you win again, gameday.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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