Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
