How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
