oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i out mim tonsoeep
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