so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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