The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
