I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
