I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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