Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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