He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize