I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
