It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize