He had one of those small greek statue penises
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
