Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
