We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
