So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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