I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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