im about as happy as oj after his trial
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
