Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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