I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
