.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
