Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
