Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
