butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
