Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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