Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
